surgery is over

The anticipated 2 hr surgery got started a little late and ultimately lasted about 3 1/2 hrs instead. I woke up pretty uncomfortable as usual and the nurse taking care of me wouldn't let Erik come back to see me until I was feeling better. Seems a little backwards to me. I needed to use the bathroom, but unfortunately couldn't even sit up on the side of the bed without nearly falling over so I got to do the bed pan thing. Ugh! There has go to be a better way. I had nausea, but not as bad as it's been other times. In the past I've also had breathing problems after surgery and this time I didn't at all, which I was very grateful for. But, my blood pressure was down to 76/52-ish for a while and I was in a lot of pain. I could hear the nurses talking about admitting me and about paging the doctor and I somehow was able to pull it together to avoid having to stay. I still felt terrible, but told them I felt better. I know it's bad, but I've been through all this before and knew that being in the hospital wasn't going to change how I felt. My blood pressure also came up after a couple of IV bags of fluid and at last they agreed to let me go. We left the hospital at about 5:30pm, just over 12 hours since we had checked in that morning. The pain has been more significant than I anticipated, but it's getting better. The results are sort of hard to assess right now because I'm still so swollen, so I can't really say whether or not I'm happy with it. But, whether I'm happy with it or not, this is it. No more surgeries for me.

Erik has been so awsome and is taking good care of me. His support has meant so much.

We're now at the airport getting ready to head back to Boise for a few days . . . .

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

happenings as of late

i've been wishing i had spent more time writing these past few months. they've been good ones and i have been feeling happier than i've been in a long time. might have something to do with being in love and finally coming full circle with my best friend, erik . . . we are back together after many years of being everywhere but on the same page, and things couldn't be better. we've been through a lot and are looking ahead and hoping to go through a lot more together . . .

in addition to the evolution of my relationship with erik, i have also been home and away from anything medical for a few months, which was an oh so welcome gift after the preceding months. my body has been able to heal and be strong again. i've been exercising and feeling great. i'll be having my last reconstructive surgery this coming thursday in seattle and it has been promised that it will be much easier than what i've had thus far. little to no chance of major complications and i don't even have be admitted to the hospital. double yay for that one! erik will be coming down to be with me for surgery.

i left alaska on 12/18/09 and won't be back until 1/17/10. first stop was utah. the very next morning my brothers, sister-in-law, and i caravaned by car and uhaul from salt lake city to avondale, arizona (near phoenix), where dillon and cerra's new home is. they have been house hunting for months and actually ended up buying this one sight unseen. they felt good about it, but i must admit, i was a little anxious. gratefully when we arrived it became instantly clear that they had found just the right place for them. i was so happy to be able to be there to witness this huge step in their lives and see how happy they both were. it was a busy couple of days and then nolan and i flew back to slc. i spent the week relaxing, vising friends, and snowboarding. nolan and i actually spent christmas day boarding and i must say its the best christmas i've had in years. i forgot how much i love those utah mountains.

the day after christmas i flew to boise and have been in weiser with my mom since. she had foot surgery on christmas eve and has been having a pretty rough time. she cannot put any weight on it, there is a good deal of pain, and unfortunately she has also been sick on top of that. i've been able to help with the household chores and animals. she has a really nice neighbor who has agreed to come over and feed the animals and collect the eggs for the next couple of months while she's still healing. though slow, she can still get around the house pretty well on her knee scooter and is able to manage with the cats and dogs. this is a hard time though and any thoughts or prayers you may have for her are so appreciated.

so i'm off to seattle in the morning for my pre-op appt. and to meet up with erik and then surgery is on thursday. keep your fingers crossed for me . . .

only time will do, but a little love won't hurt

it's been a sad, sad day. i write tonight to ask those of you who are reading to take a moment to send some loving thoughts my mother's way. a terrible accident this afternoon has left her sweet baby ginger no longer with us. she did not suffer and she is now resting under a willow tree in the yard. ginger, or as she was better known as "g" or "gi-gi" was sooooooo very loved and will be so very very missed!

i met ginger days after my mom brought her home this summer at just 8 weeks old. she was a tiny, precious, adorable ball of fluff and loved to cuddle up anywhere she could. I was smitten right away, as anyone would be.

i took an unexpected trip to idaho this past week to be with my mom who is struggling with a medical issue right now. it was great to be home with her and also to see little ginger, not so little anymore. i'm soooo grateful i got a chance to meet her again.

i must admit when i first laid eyes on her this time around i was a little shocked. she had recently had a haircut and was looking a little awkward to be honest. she had grown quite a bit since the last time i saw her and the mix of features between the poodle and the dauchshaund side of her had created a sort of odd, still precious, ball of fluff that was now bigger and much blonder than before. but, it didn't take long to see right through her funky look and melt into her amazing eyes.

i am no doubt an animal lover so i enjoy just about any of them that i come across. but, just like people, there are certain animals that you feel a special bond with. in the 4 short days that i spent at my mom's last week, g really captured my heart. and not in just the adorable puppy love way that she had the first time i met her. instead, i felt that special connection you feel with a special being. she truly had such a happy and loving nature. it didn't matter what she was doing, it seemed that she did it with a smile on her face. there wasn't a shred of negativity in her sweet spirit.

when i would go out to feed the chickens, horses, and goats ginger was the only one of the four dogs that followed my every step. and she loved being right in the mix, whether it was having a snack of grain feed with the chickens, tromping through the mud with the horses and goats, or playing with whichever cat or dog happened to be around the next bale of hay. inside the house she loved to play with her baby doll and then curl up with it. mom would let me steal her at night and she was the perfect slumber buddy. she would start out with her little face nuzzled right up in my neck and after i fell asleep would gently find her way to a cozy spot on top of the covers (which i must admit is sort of nice coming from my house where 3 out 4 dogs sleep under the covers and expect me to find my way around them). in the morning she would politely wake me up with a tiny little whimper to let me know she was ready to go out to potty. at just 5 months old i found that pretty impressive. she was smart and kind and lovely.

though g's time here was not nearly long enough, it was happy and good. she brought so much joy that will definitely be missed, but will always be remembered. i know how devastated i feel about this loss, so i can only imagine how very difficult it must be for my mom. i'm sending you my love and hoping your broken heart mends soon. i love you.

catching up

about a month ago i went back to seattle for the final procedure to close the wound that had worked to heal for 2 1/2 months. the doctor used local anesthesia and stitched me up right there in the office. before stitching me though, he actually cut off a pretty sizeable piece of skin. i remember looking down and feeling that wave of shock i've grown a little un-fond of (yeah i know that isn't a word, but you get get it, right?). so, i decided not to look down again. instead i just layed back and relaxed. the doctor and two assistants were funny and chatty so we actually had a nice visit. i left with something that looked far better than i had imagined it could at this point. a week later when i was back home in alaska, my friend mike took out the external stitches and since then i've just been taking care of the skin and using some ointment to help it heal. the scar site is fine, but the skin around it that had that strong adhesive on it for so long is still taking its sweet time to heal. its not quite there yet, but its close. i will return to seattle in december to have the last major surgery. the plan is to use silicone implants to achieve the symmetry we lost due to the original complications. after seattle i got to spend a few days with my mom and brothers in idaho and utah.

nolan, mike, and i took a motorcycle ride together up ogden canyon. it was a perfect, sunny day and we had a beautiful ride. nolan even let me try out his bike (in a parking lot). we made a quick detour to my house in ogden that has been rented out for years now. everything looked good and i was reminded of what a great front yard view that place has. look at that gorgeous mountain!my house is back there behind the apricot trees.cousin mikey.and cousin jared . . . he and his wife lauri surprised us while we (mom, dillon, cerra, nolan, heather, and i) were having a cookout up cottonwood canyon. hanging out at nolan's house and tiny baby ginger meets her big sweet nephew doug.

at home in alaska, the boys and i have been enjoying a nice summer's end . . .

bear scat. scary stuff for me. on this particular day duke was acting really wierd on the trail too. there would be times where he would just stop and kind of whine and refuse to move forward. between that and three separate piles of bear scat, i was a little freaked out. we never did see a bear, but i'm certain duke could sense something wasn't far from us.

my first night back after being gone for almost three months, i had these darling babes in my front yard. love it.

weekend camping trip to homer with erik and the boys.

duke enjoying his new leather couch.

ginger

mom's new 8 week old dachsey-poo, ginger. too cute for words!!!!

my basement

is a work in progress. fun, fun.

its been just over a week

since i got the wound vac off. despite the thrill of finally having that bag off my shoulder and particularly the absence of it sucking on my chest, i am still just not quite there. the wound is still open, but desperately working to heal. its so close. i'm heading back to seattle tomorrow to get looked at and stitched up. no complications in sight for this trip. from here, it will just be a relaxing waiting game. i will finally be able to relax from all the medical stuff for a few months until the revision later this year. after seattle i'm heading to boise where i'll meet up with mom and we'll drive together to go visit the boys in utah for the second half of the week. home next sunday.

about a week ago i got my hair done. i decided i was over the highlights and needed a change. trying to get back to a more natural color i ended up a little darker than i've ever seen on myself. not sure i like it, but its growing on me a little.

i should have been doing this his whole life!

i've often thought of shaving duke in the summer because he just has so much fur and is always so hot. but, i couldn't ever get over the thought that i would mess his hair up somehow. and, i also just never took the energy to look into getting good clippers or talking to others about it either. for some reason this saturday erik and i were talking about it and decided to give it a try. a good dose of sedatives, a really nice dog clipper ($185 - ouch), about 3 hours, and plenty of help from erik and duke was a new boy! it was unbelievable how different and GREAT he looked. he's like a new dog. often when furry dogs get shaved they look pretty wierd, but i think duke just looked strong and handsome. we gave him a bath afterwards and i have to say i don't think he's ever been so soft and happy. he smelled great, he was super cuddly, and he seemed to be very aware of the load that had been lifted. this definitely starts a new tradition with him. from now on he will be getting his buzz cut every summer.

i'm home

feels good to be back. but wierd too. i miss my mom.

i really do love people

even when they're idiots. i was at a store tonight and had just used the restroom. i was outside the door waiting for mom and getting myself situated with the shopping cart. specifically, putting my wound vac in the upper part and making sure the tubing wasn't dragging or getting caught on anything. suddenly i heard this boy's voice saying, "does that hurt?". i turn around to see a young kid (probably early 20's) behind the customer service desk. i'm bewildered that he just asks me that and i simply tell him, "no, not really . . . do you know what this is?". he says, "yeah, its a catheter, right?". i tell him no and ask him if he knows what a wound vac is. he says, "oh yeah, my brother's appendix burst and he had to have one of those to suck all the poison out." by this time mom was coming out of the restroom so i just finished up our conversation by saying, "yep, that's right." i could hardly keep a straight face as i walked away and as soon as we were out of earshot i cracked up as i told mom about my interesting conversation.

a few thoughts that come to mind . . . if it actually had been a catheter, why would i have been using the restroom? and if it were a catheter, why would he have wanted to discuss with me whether or not it hurt? i mean, really . . . you want to talk with a complete stranger about the way it hurts my vajayjay. wow. and then when he learns that its actually a wound vac, he somehow equates that with his brother's appendix bursting, which i'm pretty certain would not have resulted in the use of a wound vac. and on that note, what in the world could he have been referring to when he talked about the poison being sucked out. huh?!

anyway, as much as i walked away thinking he was an idiot, he really did make me laugh and the conversation definitely has some staying power. the whole scene keeps popping into my head and making me laugh all over again. people are wierd. and great . . .

i really need to be in bed, so off i go. mom and i head to seattle tomorrow for what i hope will be a good doctor's visit with no surprises. she will head back to idaho on wednesday and i will finally be going home to alaska. i can hardly wait.